It`s time for a new blog entry.

Being in Holland for the past 6 months I`m back in Portugal again.
It feels really good to be here again.
The sun is shining,the weather is okay, but I still hope it will get hotter
I`ll be spending 11 days in the house of the pastor of the church where we will be leading worship the coming days.
We practice a lot and it goes really well!
Every time I am amazed at the sound we produce and how my own voice seems to sound.
Sometimes I wonder: is that really my voice? And I mean this in a positive way.
Those are beautiful moments when we can enjoy ourselves unashamed and be aware of that fact.
I`m experiencing those moments more and more,the more I discover who I really am.
As a team we sounds awesome!
The past 5 days have been pretty intense.
I am so thankful for the hospitality of the family in this house,and even of all the other people we meet. It`s so beautiful!
Father,mother,2 sons, amazing bread, awesome coffee! I sleep in a 2-persons-bed, yeah!
Still being single,I imagine myself sometimes having someone else next to me in the bed. And then we talk and act as if we are married, or as if Jesus is next to me,haha. I know this sounds crazy,but it`s not what you think it is. And otherwise you can always ask me questions about everything 🙂
I have to conclude that it is probably really fun to be married. But wouldn`t couples want to change sides sometimes? Or who decides on which side they will sleep? Left or right?
Anyway…I still don`t have to worry about such heavy topics… ;)Where was I?
Oh yes, the intensity.
Last week I was at Soul Survivor, a festival that`s about Jesus,music, relaxing and cold nights in a tent.
In that week it felt like a life-cycle came to an end, or that a new life-cycle started.
As long a I know I love to observe, standing at the sidelines, give advice, have an overview of situations, even though I also love to create things,make things more beautiful, seeing things come alive.
But our strong sides also have their weak sides. So I started to become more and more invicible. That became my comfort zone and deep within the creative cry that moves mountains became more and more quiet.
Years ago I went to a church in Rotterdam where I totally felt at home!
She was like a lion: chasing the devil,taking the promised land, setting people free, shouting for freedom.
5 years later I moved to Friesland. That part of Holland was more like a lamb.
I can still remember how restless I was when I moved there. Why wasn`t anyone shouting at the devil or chasing demons? Why did they only want to sit at Jesus` feet and listen to His voice?
I wanted to fight,take the land, destroy spiritual powers!
But in these years I began to understand how precious it was what these people had to teach me about God and life. And I started to settle down.
I learned how to sit at Jesus`feet, listen to His voice, to be qiets for 15 minutes or more!, I learned to walk on a more equal level with Jesus, I learned the beauty of vulnerability instead of striving.
I discovered a way of relating to God that made me more complete.
Being a lion,yet also being a lamb. Both of them are of equal importance. They don`t just complement each other but they are like the unity of husband and wife, or like 2 candles that are melted into one.Now, 5 years later, retired :P, the lion had gone into a deep sleep and I believed that was the right thing to do. But somewhere, somewhere deep inside I could still feel the cry that was alive once. That cry that could remove mountains,bring forth new life, proclaim freedom…
At Soul Survivor it was as if God was waking up that lion again.
At one moment a friend of mine said: “Nick, it`s time to fight again,you are still part of the battle,so put on your armor.,,
That broke something in my heart… I couldn`t believe that I was still part of the battle. I thought I would be sleeping forever and I found my comfort in that thought.
I cried tears that came from deep withing. Tears of joy,of new hope that came alive.
I suddenly realized that I don`t just dream for other people,but that I myself have a part to play in this dream!
I love to sit on the beach, but swimming in the ocean is so much better!
To look at the ocean and dream can be so beautiful…but to swim in that ocean and experience those dreams, that is what we are made for.
Jesus has pulled me into the water (it actually feels like He pushed me,haha) and now I want to learn how to stay in that place and live my dreams.

It is as if I`m back at the start, but more complete and whole than before.
I moved from Rotterdam to Friesland, from Friesland to Twente, and maybe from Twente back to Rotterdam again…?
That would really make it a new start…
I wonder what God has in store for me 🙂

All right, I was going to write about the past few intense days here in Portugal 😉
This trip to Portugal feels like an extension of my awakening at the festival, but I feel a little sick, coughing a lot, not sleeping well, and emotionally it is also draining somehow.
6 months ago I fell in love with a very special girl here, she now lives in Brazil, but that didn`t last long.
And now I`m back, without her, and the memories come and go and I realize how much I loved her.
It was so easy. She fell in love with me, I fell in love with her, in such a way that I would want to move to Brazil for a while 😛
So I miss her, I miss the effortless way we fell in love…
The most precious things in life, seem to become the most vulnerable things in life…and the most vulnerable things seem to be the things that can break easily…

So I don`t know where the coming week will take me (emotionally).
At this moment, this Wednesday, I’m really tired… and ironically speaking, I`m in need of a holiday… 🙂
So for those people who remember my last trip to Portugal and loved the parts where love was in the air… sorry… at the moment there is no love in the air… but there sure are good things at the horizon!

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