I would not know where to start while writing this. So many things have happened the past few weeks.
At first I have to say that my time at David`s Tent Festival was amazing.
It is a worship festival with night and day music.
There is almost no program. It`s just worship bands, campfire, a few break-out sessions and friendship with each other and God, that`s it.
And it was só good!
Last year I went there on my own. But this year a bunch of friends came along with me and I was so blessed to see how they were having an awesome time.
Those 4 days were 4 days that I felt completely at home. Unashamed, loved, free like a bird.
It`s not because of the festival itself. But it is because of the heart condition of the people that come there and that make the music.
They decide what kind of atmosphere will have the upper hand.
And I was so excited to feel the same atmosphere as the year before!
It`s like a tribe of people that have ended all there striving. That are like the son and daughter that know that `all that is His is theirs`.
A people that don`t live with a mindset that has a God that is distant or missing, or out there.
A people that start from a place of intimacy and that end up in a place of intimacy.
Because, how much closer can you get to a God with Whom you already are one spirit?!
Exactly, you can`t get any closer!
The only thing you can do is discover this Truth of oneness more and more.
When we start to live from this perspective our life with God becomes like unwrapping a birthday present. And the unwrapping seems to be unending, haha. Like a present within a present within a present….
And the crazy thing about it is that we are the present!
The discovery doesn`t come from the outside but from within!
This knowledge releases us from every kind of striving and that is what I believe made the difference at the festival.
We are all on a journey, we are all still discovering, but at least we started to be part of the adventure. And that is what counts.
So yes, it was amazing, and for me it was like a little blueprint of where the church as a whole is moving towards.
Since I live here I knew that I had to move on someday.
I thought I would go to Rotterdam.
After that I thought I would go to Groningen.
And since a week it looks like God came up with something totally unexpected.
It seems He has the plan to place me in the middle of Holland, in Utrecht as it seems to be.
It`s an exciting time in my life. It feels like a season of 5 years is coming to a close and a new season is beginning to start this fall.
From the first of October I have to leave my current job after 3,5 years.
So from that time on I will have to be moving somewhere else, that is like within a few weeks?!
Right now Utrecht or surrounding region seems to be the focus of attention.
I feel butterflies on the inside of me when thinking about this new season.
Adventure, uncertainty, questions, questions , questions…and the feeling of jumping off a cliff into the unknown.
So how will this provision come? What will be the roof I am going to live under? What will be the next move?
Yesterday I heard a smiling Jesus say: “Nick, remember, no more striving! I will show you the way. I am more excited about this adventure than you are, haha. So relax.,,
Okay, so I try to relax and move on, step by step.
So the festival really was a door into a new season.
And all of this is pretty fresh and recent.
If any of you who read this have a talk with God, please remind Him, for a moment, of me. Haha. I know He thinks about me. But maybe it helps to let Him know I really, really need help in relaxing and knowing He already provided the next move 😉
It`s been some time since I wrote. I realize that I can`t always write something. Sometimes I guess I have to go through something,process it,and after that write about it.
It`s time to start writing again.
Is has been a dark time of my life. A time that led me to dark parts of my heart that I never dared to enter. Yet God invited me to go there,to discover Him in the depths of my heart.
The God who lives inside me vs. the God who is out there.
He has put me on this journey to discover more of Him,to know Him more and more.
But instead of telling me to look outside of myself He tells me to search inside of myself…
I begin to realize that when God is hiding,He is actually hiding within us,He is actually inviting us to walk deeper into the depths of our heart and to meet Him at that place.
There are many wonderful places in our heart.
Places that are happy,peaceful,filled with light and hope.
But there are also dark places.
Places of sadness,hopelessness,rejection,pain,low self esteem.
The past season He was leading me into the dark places of my heart.
And the amazing thing is that the moment we arrive at such a dark place,the dark place turns into a place filled with Light and Life.
I call the dark places the places of death,the parts of us that we don`t want to see or feel.
But if I want the fullness of life and God,than I cannot deny those parts of my heart.
We have to travel to these parts and meet Him there.
Because He is already there,waiting for us.
When I feel like God is far away,He is probably waiting for me to get real with myself and I am probably denying a part of my heart at that moment.
But the moment I dare to feel the darkness or reality of my state of heart, at that moment, is the moment I will see Him again face to face.
That is why I can understand that God wants nothing more but for us to be real.
He wants us to be truly ourselves,because that is where He is truly Himself, in us!
So if we try to live life with a mask or thinking we can deny parts of our heart,we deceive ourselves and miss the glory of God living inside of us.
This is so amazing!
God telling us: do you want to meet Me? Then come and be real,take a look in the mirror,dive into the depths of your heart and let Me meet the monsters that you fear the most.
He is not out there! He is in here!
That is the reason why no one and no religious activity could bring me any closer to God than I already am. I have all of Him on the inside of me and that is the one thing I want to meditate on for the rest of my life!
If we want to meet the authentic God. We have to meet our authentic self. If we meet our authentic self. We meet our authentic God.
Because He and us are one. Through the cross we are made one spirit and that is all I need to know.
No more striving. Just being.
No more distance. Only oneness.
No more working. Just enjoying.
I can understand that Jesus was hanging out with the sinners. They were more themselves than the religious people that tried to perform before God and men.
Though they were sinners,they were themselves,and that brought them closer to the Kingdom.
I have a lot more to write about where I am right now,about moving out,about a festival that I went to,about the coming days.
I know that my writings can be kinda abstract at times. Bare with me,I`ll try to find a balance between my abstract thoughtlife and my understandable throughtlife.
Within a few days I will update my blog again.