It`s been some time since I wrote. I realize that I can`t always write something. Sometimes I guess I have to go through something,process it,and after that write about it.
It`s time to start writing again.

Is has been a dark time of my life. A time that led me to dark parts of my heart that I never dared to enter. Yet God invited me to go there,to discover Him in the depths of my heart.
The God who lives inside me vs. the God who is out there.
He has put me on this journey to discover more of Him,to know Him more and more.
But instead of telling me to look outside of myself He tells me to search inside of myself…
I begin to realize that when God is hiding,He is actually hiding within us,He is actually inviting us to walk deeper into the depths of our heart and to meet Him at that place.
There are many wonderful places in our heart.
Places that are happy,peaceful,filled with light and hope.
But there are also dark places.
Places of sadness,hopelessness,rejection,pain,low self esteem.
The past season He was leading me into the dark places of my heart.
And the amazing thing is that the moment we arrive at such a dark place,the dark place turns into a place filled with Light and Life.
I call the dark places the places of death,the parts of us that we don`t want to see or feel.
But if I want the fullness of life and God,than I cannot deny those parts of my heart.
We have to travel to these parts and meet Him there.
Because He is already there,waiting for us.

When I feel like God is far away,He is probably waiting for me to get real with myself and I am probably denying a part of my heart at that moment.
But the moment I dare to feel the darkness or reality of my state of heart, at that moment, is the moment I will see Him again face to face.
That is why I can understand that God wants nothing more but for us to be real.
He wants us to be truly ourselves,because that is where He is truly Himself, in us!
So if we try to live life with a mask or thinking we can deny parts of our heart,we deceive ourselves and miss the glory of God living inside of us.

This is so amazing!

God telling us: do you want to meet Me? Then come and be real,take a look in the mirror,dive into the depths of your heart and let Me meet the monsters that you fear the most.
He is not out there! He is in here!
That is the reason why no one and no religious activity could bring me any closer to God than I already am. I have all of Him on the inside of me and that is the one thing I want to meditate on for the rest of my life!

If we want to meet the authentic God. We have to meet our authentic self. If we meet our authentic self. We meet our authentic God.
Because He and us are one. Through the cross we are made one spirit and that is all I need to know.

No more striving. Just being.
No more distance. Only oneness.
No more working. Just enjoying.

I can understand that Jesus was hanging out with the sinners. They were more themselves than the religious people that tried to perform before God and men.
Though they were sinners,they were themselves,and that brought them closer to the Kingdom.

I have a lot more to write about where I am right now,about moving out,about a festival that I went to,about the coming days.
I know that my writings can be kinda abstract at times. Bare with me,I`ll try to find a balance between my abstract thoughtlife and my understandable throughtlife.
Within a few days I will update my blog again.

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